Response To My Friends

Well, dear friends, I am overwhelmed by all your messages and support. My wife of 27 years -- Susan -- left me on July 20, as most of you know. I know I'll grieve over Susan's death for a long time to come, as will my 18-year-old daughter Gracey who is having a somewhat delayed but understandably intense reaction to this event. Your condolences and good wishes have helped us both.

While I have this opportunity, I want to share something I've learned from this life event. It's the second such event for me (my best friend intentionally overdosed on prescription medicine 30 years ago) and it's the third really traumatic event in my life (my daughter was sexually assaulted at the age of 14).

The reason I'm sharing so much personal information is that I firmly believe we are too close-mouthed as a society. Here's what I mean: when my daughter became a victim four years ago, we discussed the event with close friends. They invariably told us that something similar had once happened to a family member or someone else they knew. So Susan and I opened up to more people beyond just our closest friends. And they, too, opened up to us in return about similar events in their families.

Having already joined a suicide survivor's support group, I'm learning the same lesson again: when you take the initiate and speak about the unspeakable, others will then share their own stories. And that's the thing about these events -- it seems like EVERYONE has a story!

Yet, most of us go through life hiding our most embarrassing stories. Rape and suicide are things that shouldn't be discussed. For many, they are still taboo subjects. Some people are embarrassed that these events happened in their lives, or they believe they should suffer in silence and never discuss them in polite company.

To that I say Bulls**t!

The fact that no one talks about these things is one reason why we don't have better systems, as a society, to help people through these events. So I'll take the first step: my wife committed suicide (as did her sister over 30 years ago). About a year ago, she became mentally distraught and, later, severely depressed. We'll never know if this is something that runs in her family or whether -- as my own therapist has suggested to me -- she might have been experiencing early-onset dementia. All we know is that she was in tremendous pain and was hopeless enough and desperate enough to do what she did. I don't fault her. I love her and mourn the fact that I couldn't do more to save her. But she was determined to leave us as she did, and actually believed she was doing the most loving thing she could for us given her state of mind at the time.

There... I've said it. This is not a rare instance. Many many people suffer from depression. Let's get it out into the open so we can create a world where our loved ones get better help and can even be saved from such tragic endings.

Again, thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your support. And if you have someone close in your life, please love that person and watch out for them.

Dave Drucker

Remembering Susan Drucker

Sadly, David Drucker's wife Susan passed away on July 20, 2008. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Dave and his family.

Susan was a spiritual and creative person with a wonderful sense of humor. The ceramic piece shown to the right is an example of Susan's work. She will be missed forever by friends and family who knew and loved her through the years.

A Memorial Service will be held on Thursday, July 24, 2008. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to: The Center for Spiritual Living, 2801 Louisiana NE, Albuquerque, New Mexico 87110.

If you’d like to leave a comment for Dave and daughter Gracey (and their extended family), please feel free to sign this electronic guest book.

Joel P. Bruckenstein, Publisher

Virtual Office News